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Parenthood has been on my mind lately. Go figure. One of my kids just turned 18, and I’m sort of getting to know another one, and sometimes hearing from the other, troubled one. And me? I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I think of it all…I’m far from figuring it out. I’ll tell you that, for sure. But I am getting some ideas. They come and go. They don’t burn my brain too much.

I think maybe most parents want something pretty simple from their kids, in the big picture. You want them to take care of their own shit. Do you know what I mean?

I think almost everything I’d hope for out of my kids could be summed up in those few words: Take. Care. Of. Your. Own. Shit. That’s it.

I want them to take care of their own shit. Make their own phone calls. Clean their own messes. Pay their own bills. Get their own therapy. Find their own jobs, and buy their own cars.  I want them to act like adults and consider long term consequences; I want them to put their work before their play, but make time for both. In other words, I want them to both think their own thoughts and solve their own problems. And own up to their own shit.

In other words, maybe I just want my kids to be grown up. Is that it?

That doesn’t mean I mind lending a helping hand from time to time, or independence is the only virtue I’d want them to cultivate. I’m not cold-hearted. If I were, I wouldn’t need them to get their own shit together so much, you know. If I was coldhearted, I wouldn’t care either way. And care I do. And they’re not on their own completely. That’s not the point. Adults sometimes need and accept help, but in the end, they also accept the ultimate responsiblity for their own lives.

That’s it. No “Mommy made me do it.” No passing go, and PLEASE no collecting $200.

 Sometimes they do. Sometimes, not so much. Sometimes, some will and some won’t. Sometimes, it just takes a while. I don’t know. But I’m enjoying the idea that I’m moving in a time of my life that’s more for me. You know what I mean? I love my kids, but I’m ready to put energy other places. I’m ready to serve in different ways now. I’m not done parenting, but I’m done with the whole worrying/fussing thing, so much as I can be.

Yeah. That’s something that I’m thinking…