dixiblog

As my kids continue to age -(just them. they age…I don’t, and don’t talk to me about physics) -but as they continue to age, one becomes distinctly aware of the various changing of the seasons.

It starts in Spring. They’re little saplings: delicate, fragile, full of promise. You are careful to try and nutrure them, never quite sure if what you’re doing is right for them. No instructions come with these seedlings! But you experiment, and nervously gain some confidence in your gardening as time goes on.

As the weather gets warmer into Summer, you get a little more freedom to go with it. The seedlings grow stronger and take on personality. You’re surprised by the way they bloom. Sometimes in ways you’d never have guessed. They’re hardier now, although they can still get burned by too much sun or washed out by too much water. So you try to limit their exposure to overdoses of both reality and emotion. You water them with support as they need it, but often, your job is simply to make sure they have a sufficiently large patch to spread their roots and grow in.

As it turns to Fall, all things cool off. It’s time for the harvest and preparations for next year’s seasons. The seasons that came before Fall impact it’s produce, after all. The plants are largely on their own to settle in for winter, with whatever things you can do for them beforehand, to help them prepare, you know?

And Winter? Well, there they are, and how they fare is their own doing at this point. You do what you can to support them, but in the end, you don’t control it. And as winter ends, your now-grown saplings sometimes make some new plants. And it starts all over again.

Me? I’m hitting late summer in my cycle of parenthood. And it’s a little bittersweet, I guess. I always ask myself if I could have done better than I did; maternal guilt is eternal, but I don’t think so. I’ve always done the best I know how with it, you know? You learn as you go. And I’m a pretty quick study, all considered.

And while I do NOT miss having little ones, I do miss certain things about the closeness I’ve been able to feel with my kids at different times of their lives. But you know, that’s just how it is. And my baby’s growing up, too. It’s a transitional time.

But I also know this phase of my life brings more freedom, too. As a parent, I’ll always want whatever influence I have on my kids to be positive and helpful. But once the responsibility for how they do is not mine anymore, it changes the fundamental dynamics of the experience.

I have always been partial to fall, you know? The beautiful trees and the cool, crisp days. It’s nice.